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i just wrote 1200 words about my life so i guess you’re welcome?

January 28, 2013

I just counted and I wrote 17 blog posts in 2012.

That is not very many, and I assure you that I thought about writing more of them and then I didn’t, for various reasons, which can mostly be chalked up to I forgot. Other times I can attribute the lack of posting to feeling like after nearly five yeras, this has become a place where I write when I want to and when I have something important to say, and apparently that only happened 17 times last year.

But something important is very subjective, and it is entirely possible that you did not deem a single one of the 17 posts I wrote last year to be important and that the prerequisite that my writing be important is just a symptom of being self-absorbed and extremely arrogant.

You might be correct.

Perhaps 2013 is going to be the year I can actually call myself a blogger again. Though perhaps not, and I suppose we will see in a year from now whether that holds true. In the meantime though, here are some mundane life updates to make you feel better about not having your life together. Let’s commiserate together, shall we?

// I cut 6 or 8 inches off my hair this weekend, and one of the perks of working with a bunch of dudes is that no one at work noticed at all, thus saving me from the repeated “Did you cut your hair?” conversation that I was dreading this morning. I gave them too much credit.

// My Christmas tree is still up, though I have not plugged it in since before the holidays. This is not because I worry that my neighbors will wonder why someone still has a Christmas tree on display but rather because the outlet to plug the tree into is behind a piece of furniture and I need an extension cord and then I have to move a bunch of things and the obstacles are many. I’m also going to have to throw away said Christmas tree because the monkey cat has used is as her own personal gym for the past two months and this 8-pound monster has taken it upon herself to irreversibly bend the branches, making it appear to be the saddest and droopiest $50 Target Christmas tree in existence.

// While we’re on the topic of Christmas… I spent months and months ogling this white coral bowl from afar, never quite being able to justify spending $100 on a bowl with holes in it. If it looks familiar, it might be because you are as obsessed with True Blood as I am and it appeared in numerous episodes this summer, gallantly displaying itself on the conference table at The Authority offices. And now, after months of cyber drooling, I own this beautiful hole-y ceramic bowl. It turns out the one store in the world that sells this piece is within walking distance of my family’s condo in Naples, so… Merry Christmas to me.

// I’ve rejoined the ranks of OkCupid users and let me just say, I am a masochist. Don’t ever believe otherwise, because my insistence that maybe this time it won’t be so bad! and it’s a nice distraction  is bordering on insane. I’m convinced that I could write zero words on my profile and still end up with dudes messaging me asinine questions. Which is to say nothing to the quality of my photos, and everything to their lack of appropriate standards when contacting women. And yet here I am, beating my head against a wall and wondering why dudes feel the need to send me a message asking me why I never responded to the other message they sent. Note: I’m not sure what it means about your dating life when your ex-boyfriend texts you to tell you he wishes you still blogged about dating, but I’m guessing it can’t be good.

// My one and only goal for 2013 is to become a Morning Person, in the sense that I can stop hitting snooze 7 times and instead wake up and go for a run. There are countless excuses for me to not go for a run after work, but only one to overcome in the morning, so I’m hoping I can pull this off at least once in the next twelve months.

// The new Tegan and Sara album is the sexiest music out there and you should go download it. I don’t think any album has made me want to make out as much as this one does.

// Work is the same except also really different all of a sudden. We announced this month that we are acquiring another company in the area and while we have 17 offices across the country, this acquisition will only affect my office and it will affect us a lot. I also got a sort-of promotion today, which is thrilling in that I’m being recognized for my work and abilities but also won’t change my day-to-day activities very much. Regardless, different is good and change is good and I’m looking forward to it.

// I went skeet shooting recently (see above note about dating again) and I can cross it off a list of Things I’ve Never Done and add it to the list of Things I Never Want To Do Again because that shit was terrifying. Had I been with someone I knew better, I probably would have had a total meltdown but the thought of collapsing to the ground in the fetal position and sobbing my eyes out in front of a stranger was more humiliating than I could bear so I pushed through and shot 25 rounds at innocent clay pigeons. I even managed to hit one, which was nothing short of miraculous given that my eyes were closed the entire time.

// Something I’ve discovered about myself recently that I should have known all along: I cannot keep saltine crackers / cheez-its / wheat thins / goldfish / crackers of any kind in my house for any extended amount of time because I will eat them all. In one sitting. It is not pretty. I should probably do a 12 Steps thing and abstain from crackery deliciousness altogether but y’all… that does not sound very fun.

// I’ve done a lot of yoga this month and it has truly saved my sanity. The studio I go to has a tolerable amount of the yogini-zen-namaste-earthiness to it, and my cynical self has even grown to enjoy the hippie spirit of it all. I will also embrace any excuse to wear my new Lululemon wunder unders because they are the most delicious pants I own.

// I’m traveling to Nashville in February to meet up with my best friend from college, and then to DC in March to brunch with my favorites and cheer on my dad + so many others in the Rock ‘n’ Roll Half Marathon, and then to Savannah for the first time in April for a friend’s bachelorette weekend. All of these trips are a bright spot and I’m so glad I have them to look forward to.

I have now written 1200+ words about my life and my narcissism is starting to show, so let’s balance things out by having you tell me what you’ve been up to lately. Tell me a secret or a trip you’re taking or the guy/gal you’re crushing on. I am ferociously nosey so please indulge me, if not in the comments then by email. I love email.


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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Peter January 28, 2013 at 6:40 pm

Congrats on the promotion!

You ARE nosy.

And I uploaded Tegan & Sara to dropbox without listening first. I should probably get on that.


doniree January 28, 2013 at 6:43 pm

“All I’m dreaming lately is how to get you underneath me. Here comes the heat before we meet a little bit closer. Here comes the spark before the dark, come a little closer.”



kelly January 28, 2013 at 6:50 pm

I am right on the Morning Person, going running train with you. Also no crackers or pirate’s booty allowed in my house anymore. I’m going to DC in March too, about two days after Rock n Roll! I’m heading out there for my friends’ wedding and then up to New York on the train to visit another friend. So stoked to go on a trip!


Megan January 28, 2013 at 7:01 pm

Skeet shooting terrifies me, too. Hello– explosions! So close to my face! DO NOT LIKE.

And saltines/Cheez-Its/Goldfish? I can’t have them around me, because I lose alllll my self-control and somehow end up covered in cracker crumbs, like some sort of…Cracker Monster? Yes. Cookie Monster’s cousin that I just invented, Cracker Monster.


Sid January 29, 2013 at 6:47 am

Congrats on the promotion.
I’d actually like to try skeet shooting, just to see what it’s like.
I got a kitten recently. I’ve had the cat for almost a week and I still have named him. I occasionally refer to it as the new kitty.


Accidentally Me January 29, 2013 at 9:15 am

I’ll give the skeet shooter some credit…at least he put some thought into the date. He gets some points for trying something a little different, even if he dramatically increased your chances of dying. Or accidentally committing murder.

On your next day, wild boar hunting!!!

You weakness for crunchy snacks probably rules out ever having kids, or choosing to babysit them for any length of time. I’m pretty sure that it is a physiologically accepted fact that children need goldfish to survive at least as much as they need milk and diapers (scientific verification of that pending…) In most states, I believe that child services can remove a child from a goldfish-free home…

Feel free to write about your dating adventures…there is absolutely nothing morally wrong with ridiculing the shortcomings of your potential suitors!


terra January 29, 2013 at 10:03 am

How did I not know you’re gonna be there for the Rock ‘n’ Roll Marathon? I’m running the half, and it’s my first half ever and I’m terrified and excited and overwhelmed and gleeful.

Also, nom nom nom to crackers. I can’t keep chips of any sort in my house because I will eat them all and really, any snack type thing doesn’t last a full 24 hours before I find myself stuffing fistfuls of whatever it is into my face.


brandy January 30, 2013 at 10:51 am

So much to love here. When it comes to blogging, it sounds like you and I are in similar spots. Let’s both make this year the best year ever, okay? Also? Doni asked me if I knew Tegan and Sara since I’m Canadian and sadly the answer is no but if I do ever meet them, I will obviously introduce you and Doni to them because that’s what friends are for and you’ve saved me from a bad date so I owe you with my life. Or at least my first born. But I think you would prefer my life.

Also, if you haven’t tried the cracked pepper Triscuits, you have never really lived.



Jessica Lawlor February 3, 2013 at 5:43 pm

Basically, I loved everything about this post.

Please blog more in 2013 <3


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