Have you ever believed something to be true about yourself for a long time, only to find out that maybe it wasn’t true at all but you’d spent so much time telling yourself it was true that you began to believe it?
I’ve spent the past year or so living the life I thought I wanted – stable, quiet, cozy, full of Lululemon pants and good books and tv marathons and plenty of me time and kitty cuddles. After years of one change after another, it’s what I needed and what I thought I wanted.
Alas, the pendulum of change has swung too far in the other direction and I am now resting comfortably in the arms of stagnation.
But then those moments come along when you remember your old self and remember that you like her, and you wonder where she went and why she doesn’t come around much anymore. Sometimes those moments are strung together in the form of a long weekend spent in Nashville with your best friend from college, the one who lived across the hall from you freshman year and across campus from you sophomore year and across the street from you junior year and then two floors above you for the last two semesters of an incredible four years.
Friends like that have a way of reminding you that you deserve the best, and that you like dancing with strangers in bars, and that running towards a new adventure doesn’t mean you have to run away from where you came from.
Between a hockey game and a bar crawl and a plantation tour and a Dairy Queen pitstop and pedicures and shopping sprees and eight hours in the car together, I came to realize that just because I’m extremely well-versed in relocating my life across the country and starting from scratch doesn’t mean I should.
It turns out the life that I want includes stability and adventure, coziness and trying new things, time to myself and quality time with my people and dammit, I’m going to get it.
I found this post in my drafts, having written it two months ago and promptly forgetting to hit publush. I’m backdating it to the date it was written, but I can’t help being amused that sometimes, things work out in crazy ways.