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things i no longer give a sh*t about

by Jenn on May 1, 2012

My sister graduates from college in three weeks, and that little impending event has done a great job of reminding me of my own graduation two years ago. Sometimes it feels like forever ago, and sometimes it feels like I blinked a few times and ended up 24 months in the future.

All of this reflection is getting exhausting, but it’s brought to my attention a few things that I no longer care about. Chalk it up to “maturity”, or being too busy, or just growing up and reprioritizing, but here is a list of Things I No Longer Give a Shit About:

Social Conservatives

I can’t argue fiscal policy because that is neither my area of expertise nor interest, so I’ll pass on that and withhold any judgment on fiscal political beliefs. But it is the year 2012 – if you still think the gays shouldn’t get married and that women should be subjected to unnecessary medical procedures and emotional trauma when making educated and rational decisions about their bodies and reproductive rights, I no longer give a shit about you. I won’t even argue with you because I don’t respect one iota of your claims. Moving on.

Faking It

I’m so exasperated by people with pretense. It’s not even arrogant pretense, because I can psycho-analyze that enough to understand that it stems from insecurity and lack of self confidence and blah blah blah. But people who subscribe to certain behaviors because society tells them to? No thank you. People should do things because they want to, not because they feel like they’re supposed to. Be friends with people you want to be friends with, not people you feel obligated to be friends with. Go to bars or stay at home on Friday night because you want to go to bars or stay at home on Friday nights. Wear high heels all night if you want to, not because you think you’re supposed to just because you’re a girl at a club. Basically, DO WHAT YOU WANT. I’m totally guilty of not following this sometimes, but it’s on my list of things to not give a shit about anymore so I’m working on that.

Online Dating. Actually Make That Dating in General.

I feel like I need to tell myself “I TOLD YOU SO” because really. I know better. I am not nearly a patient enough person to make this whole online dating concept worth anyone’s time. I find the entire process irritating and the quality of interactions underwhelming. Someone remind me about this the next time I decide to give it a try, okay?

My Excuses for Being Lazy

I’m all signed up to run the Peachtree Road Race on July 4th. It’s a 10k – 6.2 miles – and my parents are flying down from Chicago to run it with me. We did it together last year, and that was the last time I ran, not including the times I run to my freezer when I remember I have ice cream in there. I’ve masked all of my excuses for being so out of shape in this overarching blanket of “I’m happy with how I look and who cares if my doctor told me I’ve gained ten pounds in the last year because my clothes still fit… mostly… and who needs muscle definition anyway?” While that’s all fine and dandy, a healthy dose of REALITY is sometimes helpful. And the reality is that I’ve been really effing lazy this past year and it’s catching up with me. Time to fix it and I no longer give a shit about my excuses.

People Who Bring Other People Down

Quit being so negative all the time. Quit it right now. Stop it.

Apologizing For Things You’re Not Really Sorry About

You know how it’s a sort of colloquialism to say, “I’m sorry, but…” and then follow it up with something you’re not actually sorry about? For example, “I’m sorry, but I just find squirrels to be the cutest creatures ever.” OR “I’m sorry, but your lack of intelligence and ability to string together a coherent sentence is a huge turn-off and I’d really like it if you went away.”

There is no need to apologize for thinking squirrels are cute because THEY ARE and appreciating someone who can speak like an adult should be something to which we all aspire. No one is actually sorry for those things, but we have a tendency to preface our thoughts with this “I’m sorry, but” disclaimer, as though we’re afraid someone is going to disagree with our assertion and so we attempt to read their mind and apologize for things in advance. I call bullshit, and I’m not sorry about it.

Not Feeling Like an Adult All of the Time

I think I’ve done a great job of keeping my shit together the last few years and being an independent person. On paper, I probably meet most of the check boxes of the Welcome to Adulthood pamphlet. But that doesn’t stop me from collapsing into tears because a boy hurt my feelings, or calling my mom in a panic when my cat escapes through the screen window, or needing my dad to tell me how to file an insurance claim on my car. Sometimes I feel like these are things I should be able to handle on my own, but sometimes I just can’t and I don’t give a shit if I have to call my parents all the time – that’s what they’re there for, right?

Competing About Who Works More

People in Europe think Americans are crazy for how much we work. I sort of agree with them. Why is the number of hours we put in at the office or how little sleep we got because we were up all night working on a project a measure of how successful we are? Why do we seem to compete with each other over who worked more or whose job is harder? It’s a false competition – no one wins. In the end, we’re all spending too much time at the office, right? I’m over it. I work my ass off and sometimes I have to stay late or come in on the weekends or a holiday to get something done. I know you do too. We all do, and that’s what we get paid for, so let’s stop making it a competition.

Anything you’ve stopped giving a shit about recently that you’d like to share?

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this blog is four years old and that seems crazy to me.

by Jenn on April 19, 2012

in My Life,Thoughts

As of Tuesday of this week, this here blog is four years old.

The domain name has changed but all the posts are still there. I started writing here as a procrastination technique when I should have been studying for finals and finishing papers during my sophomore year of college.

I was 20 years old and freshly single. In the grand scheme of life, I hope four years is a small part of what my life will be, but my goodness it feels like a lifetime.

I feel like a completely different person. When I was 20, I thought I had my life figured out. And really, what’s to figure out at 20? Go to class, do your work, have fun on the weekends (and weeknights). Frat parties, make out sessions, two more years left of college to plan for the real world. It was a pretty alright time.

———

For most of my life, I was very passionate about my opinions. You might call it domineering, although it was in no way malicious. Any time someone asked a question – where to go for dinner, what movie to watch, whose house to hang out at – I always had an answer. It wasn’t because I thought I had all the answers and I was right all the time, it was that I always had an opinion that I was willing to offer. People around me sort of accepted it, or didn’t care, or secretly talked about what a bitch I was behind my back.

In college, I mellowed out a lot. My internal pendulum swung the opposite way and I stopped caring so much about where we ate dinner, or who kissed who on Friday night. I started accepting things as they were and not challenging every detail, and while I think in some ways it was a good alternative to my previous outspokenness, I may have swung too far into apathy.

At 24, I feel much more balanced. I try not to let the small things bother me too much, and I use my passion for the big things, the things I truly care about and believe in. Instead of excusing others’ behaviors as differences of opinions, I now believe sometimes people are just wrong. Opinions can be wrong. My capacity to understand the gray area is diminishing and I’m learning to take care of myself first, and then others. It’s a good place to be right now, I think. Single and happy with it. Living alone and loving it. Calling Atlanta home, at least for a couple more years. Eager for change and new things but appreciative of stability and the familiar.

———

I think about the milestones I’ve reached since starting this blog. I lived in Spain for 6 months and traveled the world. My two best friends had babies. I graduated from college and moved to a new city and found a job. I bought a washer and dryer (if that’s not an Adult Thing, I don’t know what is!) I have retirement accounts and savings accounts and a whole slew of self-realizations in the last four years.

Of all things, Facebook makes me acutely aware of the progress I’ve made in the last 4 years. Every time I log on to Facebook I see people I knew years ago living the same life they lived back then. Same town, same friends, same family vacations. Same relationships, same childhood bedroom, same lack of direction in life. I try my best to tell myself that it’s okay that they haven’t grown or changed or taken risks in the last 4 years, but I don’t really believe that. Deep down, I resent people for not evolving, for not pushing themselves past their potential, for settling for what’s comfortable.

Though I’m sure I’m resented for the opposite, so I suppose that’s just part of the process.

———

All of this self reflection and navel gazing is all to say I’m thankful that I’ve had a place to call my own for the last 4 years. Thanks for coming with me.

{ 7 comments }

i have discovered that i am someone who cries at weddings, which actually came as a huge shock to me but i suppose i’m okay with it.

by Jenn on February 21, 2012

in Adventures,Love

I had the great fortune to serve as a bridesmaid in my lovely friend Jessica’s wedding this past weekend. In addition to being a wonderful and hilarious friend, she has great taste in destination wedding locations, so we were off to the Dominican Republic for four days of tropical weather, all-inclusive food and drink, and a beautiful wedding celebration.

It was so beautiful that it was worth taking 3 flights to get there and spending the night in the Puerto Rican airport next to an old Haitian man who kept fondling himself. It was worth the exhaustion and the time off from work and three days of rainy Dominican Republic weather, just for one gorgeous and sunshine-filled wedding day.

Seeing as how I had never been a bridesmaid before and the last wedding I attended was a boring, super-religious ceremony four and a half years ago, I had no idea what to expect. But as Jessica and Tom read their vows and said I do, I found myself crying. Not a little glisten in my eye, but a full on, tears-streaming-down-my- face cry and I couldn’t stop myself.

Here I am, a semi-cynical single girl, watching one of my best friends declare her love for this man and watching him do the same, and I am reminded that love is not this nebulous notion that I once thought I felt, but rather something real and important that I will one day feel again. I am so honored to have been able to be part of their special day, and I have a renewed outlook that one day they will be able to be part of mine.

So thank you, Jess, for being the best bride ever and being a living reminder that manicorns exist – cheers to you and T!

{ 6 comments }

autonomous crying, the adult milestones, and something called a “radiator support” actually exists and it can be really expensive to fix.

by Jenn on February 13, 2012

in Thoughts

I was fully conscious of the fact that this was an Adult Situation That I Should Be Capable of Handling.

It’s just a car, right?

But it wasn’t just a car. It was 9:30 on a Saturday morning, it was a fluke incident that could not have been more random, and it was a frustrating phone call with Volkswagen who had me speak to three different people who simply could not comprehend that not only would I have to cancel my service appointment that morning seeing as how my bumper was now dragging on the ground, but I would also now like to tow my car to their body shop to fix said dragging bumper.

It was a situation that I’ve never dealt with occurring at a time when I was too exhausted to be rational that turned this Adult Situation That I Should Be Capable of Handling into one Where I Called My Mother Crying, seeking her reassurance and guidance.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

As I make my way through my twenties, I encounter situations that I am unprepared for in the sense that I have not experienced them up until the point that I do, yet I am fully prepared for in the sense that I’ve been raised to be independent and confident and capable of navigating new situations that I have not experienced. It is a strange feeling to consciously talk yourself off the ledge and be simultaneously dialing your parents, tears streaming down your face because you also haven’t yet learned how to be upset or frustrated without this inconvenient autonomous biological response.

♦ ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦

Growing up, I thought there were certain Adult Milestones that marked the passage of time and maturity. Go to college, get married, buy a house, have children. They were far off goals that lacked the nuances of the process and path I would take to achieve them. These far off goals did not factor into account the making of me as a person, a person who would ultimately get a degree and perhaps one day marry and have children, but who would also experience a million and one emotions and growth opportunities along the way.

I’ve come to realize that the actual Adult Milestones are fairly inconsequential in the bird’s eye view of life. I’ve had countless small moments where I have felt, either right then or in reflection, that something notable was happening and developing me into the woman that I will become.

Being rejected from job after job and learning to handle that with grace and persistence.

Being in charge of another life – even if it’s just a pet – and being the only one responsible for his health and life.

Paying off debt and making sure bills are paid on time and financing major purchases like a washer & dryer and a grown up, non-IKEA couch.

Taking a leap of faith and moving across the country in pursuit of love and finding your own place when that doesn’t work out.

Discovering what you believe in and where you draw your line and how you stand up for yourself.

Making a mistake at work and taking ownership of that mistake and pledging to turn that sinking feeling in your stomach into a lesson for the future.

In the end, it’s not the big milestones of getting a degree, or getting married and having babies that I will remember as Important Defining Milestones; rather it will be the small and seemingly inconsequential moments that I’ve had, that I continue to have every day, that will be the ones to shape me, that will transform adolescence into adulthood and a girl into a woman.

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“It’s because we have a female pilot. She’s probably doing her hair.”

by Jenn Keep reading →

“It’s because we have a female pilot. She’s probably doing her hair.” Those words were actually spoken to me yesterday as I sat on a plane from Chicago to Atlanta, waiting for it to take off. We had pulled back from the gate yet hadn’t started for the runway, and it had reached that uncomfortable [...]

in which i share with you the contents of my freezer and offer you the chance to win delicious cookies, but not from my freezer because that would just be weird.